Ending of 2014

As I sit here at home tonight thinking back at how our lives have changed in the last 365 days. This time last year I was able to pick up the phone to call or text mom but now I can't. I can talk to mom anywhere I want, knowing she can see and hear me always. During 2014, I was able to celebrate mom's birthday, Easter, Mother's Day and have a graduation party for Haley/birthday party for dad with mom. In February mom started experiencing some digestive issue thinking this would be her gallbladder she went to the DR. Some test were ran and during her CT Scan they found lessions on her liveer and that's when the beginning of the change forever to my world started. I have sat at home so many times watching TV, reading something, or just have a thought come in my head and think I need to tell mom or wonder what she thought about that. That has truely been the hardest part of the last 5 months is no longer being able to humanly communicate with mom. Grief is the strangesst emotion. I can go days something and think WOW I'm starting to cope with all of this and then BAM out of no where I become a blubbering idiot. I never knew true pain until 8/1/2014 and now I understand. There are times when I feel like I can not breathe or when all I want to do is cry but I'm going to figure out how to survive and make mom proud. Love you MOM today and always.

Holiday season has begun

As much as I'm not looking forward to the next few weeks, the Christmas season is upon us. We spent last weekend in Gatlinburg, oh how we all missed you. We played Shut the Box, Head and Foot, along with a game of Uno and Monopoly. Bethany and myself helped Auntie cocok lunch on Thurseday. As much as I've said I am not shopping Thursday night/Friday, well Bethany talked me into shopping Thursday night. We all decided to keep dad busy on Saturday, so we went to see the Hatfield and McCoy Christmas show. Saturday would have been mom and dad's 45th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe they would have been married 45 years. Before we left, Dad and I got your grave site decorated. Still can not believe I am decorating your gravesite instead of watching you decorate the house. A very beautiful tombstone piece full of poinsettas and a flag with a cabin on it. Haley and Cassidy helped dad yesterday decorate the house and put the tree up. All of mom's UK christmas things are out, the manager scene and some other things are out. As much as I didn't like going out to mom's open house, it will definately seem weird not going to it this year.

Longing

Oh how I long to talk, see, or hear you voice. It has been 3 1/2 month since I was able to see your beautiful face. Shortly after I lost you, the first thing I did was pull back all voice mails I had on my phone from deleted so I could hear your voice agaain. But to text you or call you is something I so think about doing from time to time. Never imaged losing you could hurt so bad. I am trying to live a normal life or atleast carry on my day to day activities. I know you are up there watching over me just like you did when I was a child, you want to make sure I'm making the right moves, and I'm trying to. Well, all those time I agrivated you about not sleeping- I'm living the wake up in the middle of the night life now. I felt better blogging when you were receiving chemo treatments, so I believe I will go back to this. It maybe nothing more than how much I miss you today or how my day is. Love you MOM and miss you tremendously.

A week later

It is hard to believe it has been a week. 

There have been so many things I would have picked up the phone to call and told you andHaley started high school this week. 

Even tho you are not here in the physical sense, I know you are still here with me watching over us. 

I received 2 beautiful rose bushes that I have planted outside, 

Mom gained her angel wings today

Another Day with MOM

Yesterday we spent the day with some family that came to visit with mom.

As always when Marlin and Cheryl visits there is some form of entertainment.  I will not discluse the full event of entertainment but the story never gets old. 

OH and I got to see the baby bunnies again yesterday several times.  Every time I walked by the sections they are in I always stopped to see if I could find atleast one and I could. 

We were blessed with another night with mom. 

This is truely the hardest thing I have experienced.  I have a wonderful group of family and extended family known as friends. 

Last Night

Last night went better than the night before (according to the report from Auntie).  The night before she was restless and confused but last night she slept good actually all night until about 6am.  She woke up about 6 am - she was agitated and starting to hurt.   She was ready to go to town.  She wanted up and to go to town.  Never told me why but that she was ready and was going.   The nurses came in and gave her some more meds for pain and something for the agitation. 

Yesterday Auntie and I looked over some papers I got from moms.  She had written down some information along with a few bible verses.  Below is one she had written down -

Provers 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he wills how you which path to take.


Right now we all in the family have great faith in GOD that he is preparing for moms entry into the wonderful kingdom to have eternal life.

Another day

Today is another day I get to spend with mom. 

Last night was a tuff one,  I went to mom's to get some stuff for Auntie and I to review.  Funeral arrangements.  We want to have as much done in advance, so we can make sure we have what we want.  I am so thankful for my wonderful husband.  He may not always know what to say or even to say anything but as I cried last night in moms house looking for the paperwork, He HELD ME.  He just didnt hug me, he held me tight.  Not just then but everytime I need his arms around me they are.

This morning, Auntie called mom wanted her UK blankie.  I went back out there (had to be strong for a minute since I didnt have Jason) and got her blankie.  This seems so unreal that I will never see my mother back in that house again. 

Ok so I'm here with mom now, she has her UK blanket on her and her cat JIGS beside her (to remind her of Jigs at home Haley got her a stuff fuzzy cat at the gift shop a couple weeks ago).  She is resting right now after eating some of her peach milkshake from Chick-Fil-A.  She says anybody coming over is to bring her a small peach milk shake.  She is allowed to eat what she wants as tolerated. 

She is resting now. 

I received this yesterday as a text from Michelle,  it is very fitting right now.

"Feat not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;  I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my right hand"  Isaiah 41:15

Markey Center

We are in the markey center now as part of their hospice unit.

Hospice

We are being admitte under hospice care.  We will have to move rooms, still at UK but different area

Morning All

Early stop by the doctor. He is evaluating here to determine the mental state. He mentioned hospice would be by (probably)   I may have a crick in my neck but would not trade laying my head on the bed beside mom holding her hand.  
Late night visits by the millers along with Bill and Nancy Morrow were wonderful

Tonight

Yes. I'm in the bed as close as I can holding onto my mom

Tonight

As I sit here tonight I am filled with a lot of emotion  I look and mom and realize how precious each minute I have with her now is.  She seems so peaceful laying in the bed sleeping.  She is at peace with family and friends but even more at peace with GOD.  

All we can do now is hold her hand so she feels all our love as she makes her journey.

Dinner

Well mom just ate friend corn for the first time in year. Do not remember the last time she are it

Well........

Up until now I honestly thought I could say she would pretty good - stable  

Well I just had the "talk" with mom. I told her I didn't want her to suffer and I'm ok with her going to be with granny and papaw.

Music

Isn't it crazy how a song will make  you into an emotional blubber. 

Sitting in mom's room this morning waiting on the social worker to stop by to discuss when she is medically ready, what rehab facility we would use and what that involves, etc. 

2 guys stopped by to do music therapy.  They were really good.  They sang Amazing Grace and Swing Low Sweet Charity- WOW they were good but man that was a tear jerker. 

About the same

No real change in mom today. She did have dialysis again and they get a liter of fluid off again.

Daiy improvement

Mom was able to have the complete dialysis, as a result they were able to get a liter of fluid off again.  YEAH!!  Nurse seems to think she will be on the Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday schedule for Dialysis. 

She at lunch, well not all of it but definately more than she had been eating. 

She is out of bed sitting in the chair, well sleeping in the chair but atleast she is out of the bed and has been for almost 45 minutes.  They will let her sit in the chair as long as she will tolerate. 

She definatley looks and seems better than she did over the weekend. 

Keep those prayers going for continious improvement. 

No dialysis today

Mom did not have dialysis today.  Spent most of the day sleeping.  The docs are trying really hard to get the nausea under control. Should get dialysis tomorrow.

Good Morning

Morning to all, well almost afternoon I guess by now. 

Mom did get to complete 2 hours of dialysis last night.  They got 1 1/2 liters of fluid off.  When she got back to her room last night she seemed better.

This morning is another story.  Kidney's are still not producing anything, honestly it looks like coke in the cath bag.  She is having trouble breathing again today.  The nausea (dry heaves) are bad today.  She is now coughing up some fleem. 

All the doctors have made their rounds.  The nephrologist said it would be a team decision to determine if she would receive dialysis today or not. 

They have called in Pallative care to help with find a way to control the pain and nausea. 

Trying it again

Sitting in mom's room waiting on her to get back from Dialysis.  She's been down almost 2 hours.  Praying her BP cooperates and does not get to low so she can receive more time tonight. 
Mom sat up on the bedside for about 20 minutes or so today. While sitting there she was getting sleepy, to allow her extra time sitting up I sat down beside her and laid her head on my shoulder.  After all the times she had sat with me, held me and took care of me I truely enjoyed every minute of her laying her head on my shoulder. 

BP is still running low, Creatine is still really really high, WBC is still elevated along with some other labs (cant remember which one) are out of wack.

For lunch mom at her desert- some thing white with peaches on it. 

Keep the prayers going up.  Love to all.

Last Several Days

So yesterday I mentioned mom is to start Dialysis-  let me back up a few days to give you the background of what's happening.
All along her labs have been all out of wack, including WBC elevated (still with all the antibiotics she's getting) and her Creatine is unbelievably high. 
On Thursday, her potasium was critcally high and they gave her something to bring it down.  Talked and seemed to be doing pretty good, other than sleeping the afternoon away. 
On Friday,  she was doing pretty good in the AM.  Her labs showed her potassium was too low now (wow to high yesterday now to low) so they gave her some potassium.  This started the events for the day.  She got sick, stayed sick which caused her pain level to go up.  She was very aggitated, hurting, and nausea all evening until about midnight or so. 
Saturday,  before I got over to the hosptial- Auntie called and said mom had passed out a few seconds.  She was up sitting on the bed talking to her and dad when she said I feel dizzy and went back. From there she was experiencing chest discomfort.  EKG and labs shows not heart related but instead appears to be related to the fluid on her (due to no kidney output).  After the doctor gave options we had a brief family meeting.  Discuss and decided to have a cath placed to start dialysis.  This was an all day event.  Finally about 9pm (after several x-rays and replacing outside part of cath) mom went down for a partial dialysis treatment.  Auntie stayed with dad until she came back up.  When she did they told them she did not do well during the dialysis.  BP got to low so they had to stop it.

Sitting here in the room with mom is really hard to sit and watch her lay in the bed. 

I will update this evening on how today goes and if we can get dialysis in today (partial or full if any).

Dialysis

I just wanted to let y'all know mom started getting dialysis tonight. Been a long few days. I will update tomorrow with more info.

Small steps

Yesterday was an up and down day for me on getting information and emotions. 
In the morning Auntie called to tell me there is a concern regarding her Creatine level (which was 2.13) but they finally got a nurse that was open and talkative about mom, test, etc.
Around lunch time a doctor finally appeared in moms room, not only saw one but one that actually seem to have a plan of action to treat her.  He wanted to make sure they understood everything so far so he asked "Do you know what is going on and what the test results mean".  WOW  a doctor with good besdie manners.   Dont remember all the details but basically has a plan to get the creatine level down to keep from damaging kidneys more and find the infection.  Finding the infection point seems to be the key to everything here, I think.  ANYWAYS.....
Talk to Mom this morning and she had some nutrional drink she said was good. 
Love my job but can not wait to get home today to go by the hospital and see MOM.  So very thankful for technology to be able to talk and text when I want to but just can not wait to see her in person this afternoon. 

On a side note-  I talk to a friend today that recently lost her dad (which is who raised her, basically was just her and him all her life).  My heart breaks for her everytime I talk to her or think about her.  She is seems so lost and not sure what to do.  To all of you reading this please say an extra prayer for her to find peace and comfort.

Happy Hump Day Morning

I just talk to Auntie and mom. 
Auntie is under the blanket, apparently the AC is cranking at UK room 653.

Talk to MOM,  I definately feel better now than I did last night.  She sounds better,  laughed a little. 

They drew more blood.  I believe the nurse from the ER may have been onto something when said mentioned the vampires in the basement-  LOL. 

Here's to hoping for a better day today and days ahead. 

Update

Talked to mom today, she just didn't sound well when I talk to her.  I called the nurses station to hope to obtain some information, but since mom just got moved to this floor she really couldn't tell me much.  I did ask about her WBC count and they have gone back up.  They are still giving her antibiotics in her IV to treat that. 

Auntie just called.  She is home from the hospital.  Said her and Gerald went downstairs to eat tonight.  When they got back up to the room mom got really short of breath.  They now have mom on oxygen.  Her feet, legs are now swollen along with her left arm.  Auntie and I both have the concern over her abdomen area being so swollen/bloated. 

This is so hard to go and watch.

CANCER----- YOU SUCK!!!!!! 

Out of ER and in a Room

Mom got moved late last night from the ER to the clinical care area (a room).  WBC count has dropped but still elevated.  She is still receiving antibiotics and fluids both in her IV.  The Oncologist along with surgeons are still discussing the abscess- what to do, drain it, etc.  It has shrunk in size but still there. 
Mom seems to be feeling better but still weak. 

Saturday night (well I guess you say Sunday Morning) the took extra amounts of blood (no there are no vampires in the basement at UK hospital) to culture to see what the infection in the body is from and what kind it is.... so with that said the culture results are not back yet.

As we find out more I will keep updating, just keep mom in your prayers.

Visiting the ER

It's been a few weeks since we have been in the ER so....... Here we are. Mom got so weak today this evening she couldn't get up.  Right now we are waiting on lab results and they have taken her to have a CT scan. Hopefully it's just dehydration. Pulse is up and BP is down.

No chemo

At the appointment yesterday the doctor would not let mom have chemo. This was kinda frustration but ok. What the radiologist thought was an abscess on the last scan turned out to be an abscess. Dr Anthony did not want mom to get chemo due to the abscess along with her white blood cells were really high   Go back in 2 week for a follow up scan and appt with Dr Anthony along with seeing Dr Beck (rectal surgeon).  At this time they will evaluate how effective the antibiotics they put her on is working or will they need to surgically go in a drain the abscess.  If they are pleased with the scan she will have chemo that day.

Happy 4th of July

Mom is canning beets today. She said she would work on them for a while then rest go back do more and then rest some more. Got, I believe 4 or 5 pints done. Still sounding pretty good.
As I sit by my camp fire tonight I am thankful for the beautiful days we have been having and the ability that mom still is able in some way to do what she likes- canning.
She has a follow-up CT scan yesterday and we get the results on Tuesday. Kinds nervous about the results but keeping the faith it will be positive/good results.

Great Monday

No better way to start a Monday than to get a text from Mom saying she is out sitting on the porch!!!  Wonderful news after seeing mom last night.  She was really weak and just not feeling well. 

Hard days

Just when I think- WOW I'm doing good, I got this - I don't. 
Listening to mom talk about who she wants to have what and that she is going thru sorting things out she wants people to have it hard to hear and take in.  In her heart she knows what she wants and we will honor all her wishes. 
Some days I look at mom and it is hard to see this great woman I grew up admiring, watching, and learning from struggle.  But I can get thru this with my faith, family and friends. 
The other day I found this picture on FaceBook that I really liked. 

I am really asking for all of my followers to say extra prayers between now and July 3rd.  On July 3rd mom goes back for a follow-up CT Scan to see where we are.  There are 3 options we find out-  It's holding at where the cancer is, the cancer is shrinking or the cancer is growing.  We want one of the first two options. 

Treatment 4

Treatment 4 is underway. 

It is still very hard to see mom struggle and fight.  That woman is the world to me.  I pray everyday that God grants us a miracle to beat this. 

I have so much I want to say but I'm struggling with getting the words out.  These last 3 weeks have been wonderful and joyful time.  I am so grateful that mom was able to go to Tennessee to spend time with Haley and take dad for his birthday. 

Go back for another CT Scan on July 3rd.  As Dr. Anthony said today there are 3 things the scan will show and we are hoping for 2 of the 3.  She did say today in the appointment that she is having pain.  I only hope the pain is the chemo fighting and killing off some of the cancer.  We are still on track with chemo every 3 weeks.

"A stumbling block to the pessimist is a stepping stone to the optimist"~~~ Eleanor Roosevelt

It has been a while since my last post- it's been a crazy busy last few weeks of camping, weddings, birthdays and graduations.  Last weekend was spent with Jason's family as we celebrated Brenda getting married.
This week was crazy from start to finish.
Dad turned 70 this week and then Haley graduated from 8th grade.  OH MY- my baby will be in high school next year.
This week has also been filled with visits from family. Kathy from Michigan and the Missouri gang.
Today was wonderful- we surprised dad with a 70th birthday party combined with Haley's 8th grade graduation.   It was great to have mom there, feeling good enought to get out and go to graduation and hang all afternoon outside enjoying great family and friend fellowship.
That is what life is all about,  enjoying every minute.

Crazy week

This  last week has been a crazy emotional week for me and I'm still sorting it out.  I thought I had my emotions in check but I've come to realize I may never have them in check ever again.  Mom is such an amazing wonderful loving caring lady - you never under stand why things happen, only GOD knows. He has the master plan.
Mom went on Thursday for a CT scan.  After she left- Dana from Dr Anthony office called to ask mom to go to the ER to be admitted. The reason was the found what he thought was an abscess on her Colon. Ok- but the ER doc seems to believe that spot was there on the first scan from Danville just bigger.  
We all knew all along it wasn't curable but hoping it could hold it at the level it's at- not spread.
We go back to doctor on Tuesday to find out more.
To me the hardest part is sitting here thinking - about mom   She has always been there for me. She is truely and amazing woman

Restless

So, I'm a little behind but NO news is good NEWS- right?  well YES it is. 

Within the last week, the native has become restless.  Mom has been to Wal-Mart 2 or 3 times, went down to Paint Lick school to visit the ladies she worked with on the volunteer back pack program and several other outtings.  I am just amazed everyday at how much better she seems.   
OH- she has even learned to drive a motorized wheelchair at Wal-Mart, so everybody watch out. 

While Auntie was at the house this weekend, mom went in the dining room and asked dad to get some glassware down so she could wash and clean them. 

I know we still have a long road ahead of us, but the great days we have right now are truely a blessing and enjoy each day to the fullest. 

Eventful days

So mom went to UK yesterday to the Cath Lab (as instructed by Bethany to see her drs) to have her port flipped.  Glad we went there this time, according to the DR it was a mess- no actually exact words I believe were, that was a shitty job.  They had to place back in spot, clean, fix, etc.  After long day there, mom back home. 
Today-  here's the awesome part of this post........
Mom originally had a hair appointment today, well since the buzz hair cut last week by Bonnie, no hair cut needed, so dad took her appointment.  Dad's hair was the usual, flipping up on the ends.  I called to check and make sure mom and Auntie got back home after "shopping at Wal-mart".  Mom wasn't going to tell me, so Auntie gets on the phone and says "you will be shocked when you get home".  Not knowing/remember the hair appointment switch, I demanded them tell me- I don't like surprised.  Mom finally told me,  dad buzzed his hair.  YES- DAD BUZZED HIS HEAD.  Can not wait to see this.  I have never seen my dad with short hair, cant wait.  This is so sweet, showing true love and support.  OMG,  my dad has a buzzed haircut. 

Happy Mother's Day

Today is the day to honor our mothers.  We shouldn't honor our mothers just today, but instead everyday.
I am very blessed to have a wonderful mother and mother-in-law.  I am blessed beyond means to have such a wonderful daughter.  Each day I am amazed at the strength and courage mom has.  She has just started getting sick in the last 24 hours.  When I went out today to cook her supper (Grilled Hamburgers) she was laying down in the bed.  She did get up and eat a burger along with strawberry and angel food cake.  
She is scheduled for early tomorrow AM to have her port flipped.  

Happy Friday

Just hoping and praying this round of Chemo for mom goes well.  Talk to her last night, which was a difference of day and night.  Yesterday morning, mom was planning on going to Walmart for a new pillow and curtain, but by the evening the chills had set it.  She said it's the weirdest feeling, she's just so cold on the inside, like it's -20 deg.  NO nausea yet, which I'm hoping is a good sign for this dose.
Still sounds good on the phone and talking about things she would like to do.  Good Positive thoughts. 

Round 2 of Chemo

All day yesterday was spent at UK in the Whitney Hendrickson Building. We arrived for mom's appointment at 8:40.  The nurse went to draw blood thru her port to find out it has flipped.  YES, I said her port has flipped.  NO we dont know how but just that it flipped.  Chemo was given thru IV.  Lab results yesterday shows blood level is low so we are back today to get 2 units of blood. 
It is days like yesterday and today that make me appreciate the opportunity I have been given with my job.  I have the ability to work remotely when needed so I can sit with mom in her Chemo/infusion room working while she sleeps. 
Back to yesterday-  man I flip around telling stories, hope y'all can keep up.  So after she got chemo, we waited to see if we could get into interventional radiology to the get the port flipped,  no luck so instead mom came home to get her hair cut into a buzz.  When  you see her out and about now she will be sporting a hat or something to keep from burning her head. 
So far so good getting this dose.  No side effects yet. 
Well back to watching mom lay back in the recliner getting blood and working more.

Love to all

You take the Good, You take the bad......

You take the Good, You the Bad, You take them both and then you have the facts of life.....  YEP that says it all.
Today I called mom on my way home from work (like I would do almost everyday) just to chat.  When she answered it was amazing..... SHE sounded like her normal old happy self.  IT was great.  Those are the moment I will forever hold and cherish.
There are so many songs that I can sing in my head right now that happen in every day life, Love it -  it helps to re leave stress.
I can not say how much that I believe I have the bestest friends a girl can ask for.  They are there to listen to my vent, cry, throw my temper tanterum, really just what ever I need.  (Kathy, Kim, Brittany, Marsha, Andee, just to name a few)  They are awesome!
Tomorrow is the next Chemo dose for Mom.  I know this dose will be worse, just hoping and praying she can tolerate this level.

Beautfiul Weekend

There is nothing better than spending the weekend with friends and family, I got to do both this weekend.  Mom went out shopping Friday morning with dad to Sam's Club and Gordons (GFS) to get supplies for the fish fry at church.  She said it was good to get out but she was tired by the time they got home.  Haley had a soccer game Friday evening (the last regular season game) at Boyle Co. and afterwards Haley and I went to Junction City to the dirt races.  While at the races, mom apparently needed to visit UK ER for the night.  She had extreme indigestion.  Saturday, she stayed home and rested most of the day.
It is wonderful to have wonderful friends to spend an evening with to relax, when you never know what will happen.  Haley spent the night in Cartersville with Brenda and Gerald, while I went out to the Davis's on Danville Road for a while.  While we were sitting by the bonfire, chatting and roasting marshmallows, Anthony said listen I swear I hear a horse.  We got real quite and listed, YEP at 10:15pm at night there got a horse trotting up 52 East towards town with a line of traffic behind him.  After checking with the neighbors, all horses close were accounted for.  So, where did this horse come from, but better yet where did it go.  Living in the a county you know the cops, yet you call one to say hey come out this way and head off the horse.  When they get there, he says (and it was family) I didn't see no horse, y'all are crazy.  While standing around the car- guess what.  You guessed it, here comes the horse back.  Anthony and a neighbor were able to catch the horse and put in the barn til morning to find the owner.  Ahhh,  the live entertainment that can be found while sitting around a bonfire in good old Garrard County.
Sunday, today was beautiful outside.  After Church today, I went out to Cartersville to check on my child (who stayed the night with Brenda) and she was doing her favorite pasttime- riding the 4wheeler and playing in the mud.  Mom stayed after church for Potluck and board meeting and then still came up to the house to eat out back in the yard- grilled Steak and Taters.

And yes, to all wondering-  Mom is slowly loosing her hair.  For the past week she has been saying her head was hurting.  So here is my non-medical opinion, the headache is related to the hair loss.
While we were eating mom said, well I have a busy day tomorrow.  I asked what she had plans on doing and she said cleaning the house.  Got to get it done and the sheets on the bed changed before I go back Tuesday.

Tuesday is the day round of Chemo dose.

"Bravery is a willing decision to do what must be done.  Fear is a cancer that is cured only by doing what must be done, backed by an intelligent, open mind."~~ Corey Aaron Burkes

Week 3

So far week 3 has been a good week for mom along with being a busy week.  Mom seem to (says she is) be feeling good this week. 
Tuesday night was Haley's 8th grade band concert.  So glad mom was able to go to this.  She has always been to every other band concert Haley has performed at in the middle school. 
Wednesday night, mom has been wanting Mexican to eat, mom and I went to Mariachi's to eat dinner while dad went to his last night bowling for this season. 
Thursday night (tonight) is the big night- 8th grade night for GMS soccer team.  Mom is planning on coming to this.  Hard to believe my baby has been playing soccer for 8 years now.  There have been alot of great memories and friends made at the soccer games. 

Happy Friday

It has been a roller coaster of a week.  Spent a wonderful Easter Sunday with the family but by the time the sun was setting, Mom was tired and ready for bed.  And then it started......
Monday she was back to batteling a fever and was also sick.  The naussea had set in and she was staying cold.  Come to find out after I had a conversation with Patty L (cancer survivor that had chemo) she said to tell mom that she would have cold flashes instead of hot flashed.  There yah go, that's the reason mom was staying cold. 
Everyday I ask mom, "how are you feeling today" and the answer seems to always be..... Better than Monday.  Honestly,  mom does look pretty good.  She is one tuff cookie right now, just hoping she can continue to have the strength needed to fight this horrible 6 letter word (CANCER). 
Along with mom fighting this, I have a very dear friends also fighting- Andrea.  She is home recovering from her surgery waiting on the date/times of her next steps (port, chemo, and radiation).  Asking for prayers for not only mom but also Andree to give them both strength and healing.


"A warrior; feeds his body well; he trains it; works on it.  Where he lacks knowledge, he studies.  But above all he must believe.  He must believe in his strength of will, of purpose, of heart and soul."~~ David Gemmell

Easter Weekend

Auntie and I did the cooking for Easter lunch today, it was a struggle.  Seems like everything I went to cook I mis-read the recipe or something, OH well.  Lunch was wonderful.   Eating with family and friends is always great. 
Mom seems to be battling a fever, can't seem to make it stay down.  The fever keeps bouncing up and down.  Just hoping the fever is just her body batteling against the Chemo.  Other than the fever, mom seems a little weak but keeping her hydrated and eating to keep her strength up. 
No matter what it is always hard to see your mother sick/ not feeling well. 

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference" ~~ Winston Churchill

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No one like to see a loved one, let alone it be your mother sick.  Man is it hard to see you mom sick and not feeling well.   Mom called last night and said "I have a fever".  It bounced up and down all night long from 100.4 to 99.4.  We decided incase it go up and stayed up, she should go to Auntie's to stay the night.  Mom said last night-  and I had felt good all day long, and she did I talk to her on the way home and see sounded good and if dad got home from mowing in time she was going to Haley's soccer game. 

And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.  ~~~~ Paulo Coelho

The is so quote is just so perfect for me right now.  

NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE,  Love to all

NO side effects

So far the side effects mom has experienced from the Chemo appear to be minimal.  Shortly after receiving the chemo (while still there) her face flushed and BP was elevated a little but not alarming.  Yesterday morning she woke up with a little nausea but not unbearable. So I believe she tolerated the dosage well. She has decided (I think) that if she should lose her hair, she is not getting a wig but instead will wear a cap or scarf.
She had a great day yesterday with visitors- Brian, Sandy, and Charlie Burton visited from South Caroline.  Mom really enjoy their visit and looking forward to more.
I have really changed my mind and way of thinking, never put off til tomorrow what can be done today or who you can see today, never wait til tomorrow.  Each day is a gift from God and we should all cherish it.  You never know when you gift has run out. 

Round 1

So Round 1 (aka First dose) of Chemo completed.  It took almost 2 hours to complete the first dose of Chemo, but it is completed.  Prior to the the Chemo, mom got a sterior and some anti- naussea medicine.  Hope this helps.  She did appear to have a small reaction afterward, but not much- her face got a little flush. 
As a kid, after I had my foot sugery I wanted to eat Buger House, and well you guessed it MOM got it for me.  When Mom and Auntie got back in to town, mom wanted to eat Burger House.  It is the feel good place to go eat at apparently for this family. 
The staff told mom and Auntie to watch for nausea, diahrea and a few other signs but the big one is if there will be hair loss it will occur in about a week. 
Not only was today a big day for mom but a very dear and great friend had breast surgery today due to a recent diagnosis of breast cancer.  She had a double mastectomy.  She has been in my thoughts and prayers all day. 
I ask as all my friends and family reading this keep mom in their prayers along with Andrea. 

No One Fights Alone- 

Chemo- GO

Chemo is going in as I type.  Prayers and LOVE to mom this doesn't make her to sick.

Chemo

I just received a call from a very excited lady.  When I answered the phone that said "Incoming call from MOM CELL" she was telling me in a very excited voice- she gets her first CHEMO treatment tomorrow at 1pm.  This is great to get the treatments start along with hearing the excitement in MOMS voice.  She has not been excited about much lately, so to hear the excitement in her voice, I believe we are in fight mode. 

Beautiful Sunday

What a beautiful Sunday we had today-  green grass, birds singing, warm sun= a perfect day. 
I spent the day with mom and Haley.  After church, Haley, Cassidy, and I went to mom's.  Mom always takes Haley to get an Easter dress so we kept with the tradition and off we went today to Kohl's.  Even though it was a differnt style of shopping today than our usual shopping adventures, it was still great to spend the day with mom.   It was exhausting for mom but I truely cherish every minute.  I have sent the support bracelets out and mom was pleased to find out she has supports up and down the eastern half of the US.  Michigan, Missouri, Florida and South Carolina.         

Memories

Live each day to the fullest and never put off to tomorrow what can be done today.  I have always heard that but not I realize how much that small sentence truely means.  Nobody knows how long we are placed here on earth to live, only the Good Lord above does.  We all need to make the best memories we can possibly make each and every day with out loved ones, not just family but our "FREMILY". 
On Thursday, I got a package I have been anxiously waiting to come in.  My support bracelets arrived.  They are Zebra print for NeuroEndocrinCarinoma Support.  If anybody out wants one, just let me know.  I will ship to you.  "NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE"  We all stand in support together.
Well yesterday we had our follow-up appointment with Dr Anthony.  The PET scan results showed the cancer is not only in the Liver, but also on the Rectum and in Lymph nodes.  WOW,  it's in multiple locations. OK  heads up-  keep strong.  Mom should start Chemo next week. She will receive a doze of Bevacinzumb (chemo) and Irinotecan Hydrochloride (anti-biotic) once every 3 weeks.  After the first few treatments, they made change to receive smaller dose or add in meds- all depends on how she does. 
And so a oncologist will not (or atleast Dr Anthony wont) give you a prognosis, he says we are all here to make memories, and live life now, never wait til later.  SHEW..... 
As all the school say 'WE ARE XXX"  here goes,  "We are HUNTERS" and we are mean and fight. 
LOVE to all reading and keep the prayers going and keep the faith.  All things are in GODS hands no matter the situation. 

Dr appointment

We had our follow up appointment today with Dr Anthony.  Once I'm able to put all my notes together and get my thoughts straight in my head I will do a more indepth post.
Always tell the ones you love - you love them and cherish every moment of every day.

Another accomplishment

For a minute we were concerned as to whether the PET scan could be done today (technical issues with machine), but yes we got the test done.   Even with  the concern as to whether mom's blood sugar would stay low enough to get the test, she was able to have it today. 
I am looking foward to my package that should be here any day from Choose Hope.  I have ordered bracelets to wear in showing my support for mom's battle again cancer.  I went with the zebra color/design, which is to represent carcinoid cancer.  The saying on the bracelet is "NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE". 
OH,  and mom got out today and went to Haley's soccer game.  She got to watch the GMS Cougar Middle School team beat Casey County 4-1 (A team) and 1-0 (B team).  Way to go GMS  on the win tonight. 

Busy Week

This is the beginning of a busy week for mom.  Today she had the Port Cath (link a pic line) inserted to be able to get Chemo.  Tomorrow is the PET scan and then on Friday we return to the Oncologist for a follow-up appointment.  At the appointment this week we hope to find out the low down details of the cancer, treatment options etc. 
As she should be MOM is watching the NCAA championship game, cheering on the Wildcats in hope for #9. 

Above all, be the heroine of your ife, not the victim. ~~ Nora Ephron

Zebra

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire.  It burns it all clean" ~~Maya Angelou
It is really amazing at how many different colors there are for what kinds of cancers.  Zebra is for Carcinoid Cancer and Emerald Green is for Liver.   Did not realize the different shades of colors all represent a different area of the body or type of cancer.  The only one I was familiar with is pink for breast.    Today is have decided to buy some of the zebra bracelets to wear one in support of mom with the saying on it of "NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE". 
It really seemed weird today being out to mom and dads- mom wasn't up pilfring around the house, doing the little stuff she wanted to around the house, cooking, cleaning, or looking for Jigs to come in.   Don't get me wrong she may not be herself but she looks and sounds better than she did last weekend.  I just want her back to being herself,  I realize this is a long road we are faced ahead of us but together we can do it. 

Courage

     I found this quote that I felt was appropriate and basially sums up life right now--
"And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear".... Paulo Coelho
When I sit and look at mom, I can not begin to imagine how she feels but only hope she can find the strength that God will give her to fight this battle. 

Just like the weather in Kentucky

Just like the changes in the weather here in Kentucky, so do appointments.  So the tech working with the PET scan called mom today and the machine is broke.  The PET scan has been rescheduled to Tuesday at NOON, which lead to changing her DR appoint to next Friday.  The Port is still on schedule (as of now) for Monday at 7:30. 

Momma I'm Coming Home

Why YES I go home everyday, but today MOM is coming home.  She is being discharges from UK Hospital today.  Stopped by to see her this morning before coming into the office and WOW what a different IV fluids will do.  The doctor told them this morning he is going to change around some of her meds, which could have caused some of the problems.  But mom definatley looks and sounds much much much better than she did before her visit to the hospital.  Made a deal with mom that if she behaved so she could come home I would stop at Fan Outfitters today to get her a final 4 shirt. 
Fan Outfitters...... here I come. 

We have a room.

During my drive home today I got to thinking about a comment I read the other day on one of Haley's friends InstaGram and how I realize the truth in this comment more and more each day.  "DNA does not make you family, LOVE does"  I have come to realize that after all these years I thought I had a small family when in-fact I have a HUGE family. 
Mom has been moved to a room out of boarding in the ER.  PET scan has been reschedule to Thursday due to the V=Scan she had today on her lung (the test- to test for blood clot).The nurse said there needed to be at least 24 hours in between the 2 nuclear medicine test.
It was good to see mom feeling better today.  She is not back to herself completely but she is definitely a different person to see today than on Friday/Sunday evening.  She even says she is feeling better. 

Doing Better

Results from morning test are back-----ECHO shows no heart damages or concerns, Lung Scan shows no blood clot, Kidney functions are improving- we are getting reports from the doctor showing mom is improving.  They are trying to locate a bed for mom to be moved from the ER to a "real" bed.  The doctor attending to her care is great, he makes sure we understand and having any questions AND is doing all he can to get her up and able to have the PET scan on Wednesday (at 12:30) and PORT placement either Friday or Monday. 

Let's do this

Auntie stayed with mom last night, she said she seemed to be feeling better after getting some more IV fluids in her.  When I arrived this morning, mom was out traveling around the hospital (gone for an ECHO).  The physician attending to her stopped by to let us know-  her kidney functions are improving, heart rate was better, and BP is still lower than they like.  Alot of the issues are coming from being dehydrated.  They are going to do some more test to make sure she doesn't have a blood clot.  Still hanging out in the ER (no rooms at the inn). 

Tuff Monday

Today has been a tuff day today for mom.  Started out the day with dizzy and lightheaded spells.  Not taking any chance on what is going on- she got a visit to the ER.  When she arrived her BP was low, real low.  After some labs were taken and the results were back, it has been determined she was dehydrated.  IV Fluids to the rescue.  She has since has several bags of fluids, which has brought the BP up but now the issue appears to be her heart rate is bouncing up and down between 120-155.  She has been admitted to UK hospital for observation along with trying to figure out what the issue is with her heart rate. 

New Week begins

     Even though my weekend was spent with family, it wasn't with mom.  I was able to visit my cousins in Missourri for the weekend.  NO matter the miles or time, family is always by your side.  Family in my eyes is not only family by blood but the family I married into along with my great friends I have (you all are considered my family).  We should alway take time to say Hello, how are you, or even the greatest three words there are "I love you" to anybody and everybody we care about. 
     I received a wonderful verse from Michelle Amstutz this weekend-  
"Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer"  Romans 12:12
That verse is so perfect right now. 
    Time to get this busy week started. 

Keep on sending up the prayers.

Dr Lowell Anthony at UK Markey Cancer Center

     This afternoon we meet with Dr. Lowell Anthony at UK Markey Cancer Center.  He is one of the two specialist that focus on the form of cancer mom has, or the believe she has.  He is from New Orleans and appears to be really knowledgeable.  OH and he seems to have great bedside care.   He sat down and talk to us for a long time today during her appointment, it was not the hurry up and let me get to the next patient type of appointment at all.  He truly seems to care about his patients. 
     He told us today he believes this is a very aggressive form of cancer.  WOW, imaging hearing that, not just the YES she has cancer but its an aggressive form of cancer.  YES, it was hard but we are here to fight.  To better understand what he is dealing with they are ordering a PET scan, but truly believe the form of treatment will be IV Chemo.  He believes this enough he is going ahead and scheduling a port placement for mom.  She will has her PET scan next Wednesday, PORT placement on Thursday, and we will return to his office on Friday for a follow-up appointment.  He has not come right out and said the Chemo will start the following Monday, however everything seems to be lining up to have the Chemo start them. 
    The best advise I have been told this week came from a 20 year breast cancer survivor that I work with, wonderful lady named Betty Bailey.  She told me that it is OK to cry for 30 seconds and that is it and to always remember "to GOD be the Glory.   I have forced myself to listen to her.  I can not sit and have a pitty party all day every day.  
     This is a fight that I will be by moms side for support  for her to give not 100% or 110% but 200% to kick this right in the BUTT. 

First visit to Oncologist

     Today was mom's first visit Oncologist appointment at UK Markey Cancer center.  Our appointment this morning was with Dr Hoff and Dr Euland.  They have determined (or highly believe) the cancer is not related to the ovarian cancer 28 years ago.  They cancer today is believe to be NeuroEndocrineCarcenoma.  With that being said we are now off to a visit with a different doctor this afternoon,  Dr Lowell Anthony.  He is 1 of 2 doctors that specialize in this form of cancer.  What a blessing it is for UK to have this physican on staff with them, the other doctor is in LA. 
     After leaving the appointment this morning I feel a little better knowing this is not related to the her previous cancer but still to know this is a rare form of cancer and there are only 2 doctors that specialize in this form of cancer is a little unsetteling. 
     We return back to UK this afternoon for her appointment with Dr. Anthony to hopefully find out more about the cancer, is there surgery involved, what is the form of treatment mom will undergo and what other test will she need.  They did also mention this morning she will be having a PET scan. 
     Just keep on sending up those prayers. 

I have created this blog page to help communicate with all our wonderful family and friends on how mom is doing.  I will try to update with any new or just my thoughts.